Funcident – A Retrospect

I have been trying to find a pattern in all the incidents/accidents I have been going through, and have zeroed down on 2 points for this time:
1. All accidents happen outside the lifts, and
2. I only see married women

Yes, Lifts and me have a strange love and hate relation, all of my incidents happen usually in the lift or outside, be it getting in, or coming out of lift and walking in the wrong direction only to realize my office is on the other side, lifts are the only offender in all the accidents that I go through in my life.
Now the first point can be explained and can be cured (If I bother to take stairs to climb 6 floors), but second point is out of my hand and out of my bounds. I have no clue, why I only see married women; I mean who can explain the fact that only nice girl in the office that too in my project is married. How that’s for a coincident. I mean, where are all the unmarried, or ready to get married girls in the world. I think it’s been ages now that I have spoken to any suitable perfect looking girl (off course few things don’t count), I really mean going out kind of stuff. It’s not happening and it doesn’t even seem a possibility after what I have been through in last 24 hours:

#1: Monday Night

On Monday night, me and my roommate visited a temple, and as told by him, the priest was supposed to be a very good horoscope reader. We had gone there to meet him and consult him on few things and take some advice on our already turbulent present and gloomy future. My roommate seemed to know him pretty well, and asked him few things about his and his family. After spending few minutes with him, focus shifted on me. There are few times in my life when I feel as if I am the center of the universe, and it was definitely one of those occasions. And as not so superstitious I am, I half heartedly gave him my Birth Date. He took his notebook, a red pen and started drawing my horoscope, consulting some thick book, which seemed to be holding the future of millions of people. As he finished, he spent few more minutes to make sure he has done it correctly, cause as I looked at it, seemed all the writing and scribing was only on one part of the square and the other half was almost empty. Feeling of my life being half empty sprang back to me as I looked at him struggling and rechecking to make sure he is not doing anything wrong.

So he said “see yogesh, actually there is not much to tell. You have a very strong Jupiter and Sun, you are not manglik, which is good thing, but there’s nothing much to tell as that’s the only thing visible and strong. In short whatever effort you will make, you will get that much. The more you will put, the more you will get, but nothing will come your way on its own.”

Me, now sitting with my hands folded, “panditji koi kathinai jeevan main?”

“Not much, only thing is you will keep facing obstacles, you will keep walking over them, and that’s how your whole life will be.” He kept giving me those confused and unsure looks and I kept sulking sitting in my chair.

“aur, shaadi panditji” I somehow mustered courage and softly asked him.

“I am not sure about it. Keep looking you will get it. Surely by 2010, you would be married.” As he said those words, I go damn, WHAT!!, panditji, 2010 that’s in next century, nothing in this life time? And as a good mind reader he is, he understood my heartfelt expressions and said:
“dekho, I cannot tell you for sure, I told you, you will have to put effort in everything in your life, so keep searching, you will get there soon.”

With low shoulders and broken spirit I left the place. As my mind raced though the proceedings and what all he said, it all seemed so ironical, I had gone their searching for some answers, but I came out with another twist in my already twisted life.

Next morning I woke up in a new day, thinking today I’ll make a new start, a new sun, a new breeze, today is my day, move over people, I am coming.

#2: Oops I did it again

With a spring in my foot, I reached my office, took my morning cup of French Dope (read coffee) and started walking towards the lift. It’s so much suspense and excitement when I am walking towards the lifts, thinking who I would see in the lift today, I hope all females this time, so many hopes and so many expectations. And so it be, altleast one of them came true today. As I stood outside, a nice lady was standing with me waiting for the lift to go up. Now, these lifts go up only one floor and that’s to the lobby, and one floor down to the parking. So by the time I arrived, she had already pressed ‘up’ button and was waiting for the lift to come. I joined her in the waiting. And so the unseen, unheard and unthinkable happened, simultaneously both the lifts came together, one going up and one going down. And as luck would have been I was standing on the side of the lift which was going up. So I thought (I never learn from my mistakes!!!) to give her some way to go in. But as the legend says, SO CLOSE YET SO FAR, she chose the lift that was going down, over the lift that was going up, that too at the time, when she was waiting for the lift to go up. Only God knows what he puts in those minds at the wrong place at the wrong time, that too with right person around.

#3: I am married!!!!!

Anyways, as life goes on in Metro, my life also a travel in Metro trains’ morning and evenings. Last night debacle and morning motivation, was still fresh in my mind, and I stood in the station all lost in the thoughts as my train arrived. I looked through the window, and saw a desi girl sitting inside. And I am like, Oh! My god, show some mercy, keep the seat vacant next to her. And as a firm believer of miracles, I saw it right in front of me. While many of the people in the train were standing, seat next to her was vacant, and I missed no opportunity to take full benefit of the situation. After 2 minutes of silence, I finally broke the ice and we sat there chatting. And it was all nice, easy; she’s doing some PhD, me in I/T kind of talk. I am happy and tickling inside; thanking God for every second he gave me, forgetting all my past hatchets with him, I was totally engrossed in her talk.

So she asked me, “how do u commute?”, and I am like “I take bus then metro, door to door kind of for me, so very comfortable, what about you?”
“Me, oh I sometime drive, or my husband picks me up!!!!” and suddenly as if train shriked on top of its voice, my brain just went dead, somehow I balanced and restarted in a safe mode.
“ok, great” and as God laughed with me in my mind, my station also came just at the right time.
“Hope to see you again, cya” I couldn’t stop laughing and passing a smile to myself.

Strange things happen to people, and life happened to me.

LostLoop

I feel like I am lost
lost, and wondering
wondering, between this space and time
and time, as if it has stop
stopped, to take some rest
rest, so that I find some peace
peace, from this madness
madness, that has crept in
in side of I and outside of me
me, oh! I think I am lost again
again, circling in a loop
loop, of this unknown thoughts
thoughts, that just come and go
go, far and beyond
beyond, the boundary of infinite and unknown
unknown to me, seems so familiar to me
me, I think I found something
something, that’s not been dreamed
dream, which seems so real
real!, but that’s not true
truth is something that’s known
known by me and you
you, oh! sorry, are you lost too

I live in my sub-consciousness – Jim Morrison

I am trying to note down some of the famous quotes from two of my most favorite movies. I just couldnt get them off my head, had to take them out somewhere.

Fight Club
"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you're satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you've got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug. Then you're trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you.
“The things you own end up owning you. It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

“If you don’t know what you want to buy, you end up having a lot that you don't.”

“On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.”

“If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person?”

“Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer.... Maybe self-destruction is the answer.”

Lord Of War
There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation. That's one firearm for every twelve people on the planet. The only question is: How do we arm the other 11?

The Doors
“There are things known, and there are things unknown, And in between are the Doors”

“This is the strangest life I've ever known”

“I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us.”

“Hatred is a very underestimated emotion.”

Wall Street

The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And greed, you mark my words, will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you very much.

Bud Fox: How much is enough?

Gordon Gekko: It's not a question of enough, pal. It's a zero sum game, somebody wins, somebody loses. Money itself isn't lost or made, it's simply transferred from one perception to another.

Funcident #1

Ah! It just happened again, and they just never stop. Wondering what I am talking about, well I am talking about the kind of incident that just happened. People read comic books to laugh, I just turn few pages back in my memory and that’s it, my life has enough situations to keep me tickling the whole day. Off course, some of them are private and happened when no one was watching, or if in public I didn’t wait to see who all are watching.
So I thought let me start putting them down, and see how many and how frequently I can get myself into a situation and see if they are getting better or may be if I can spot a trend in them.

Funcident #1:
Now I know I am not too good or nice with people while getting on to elevators or stairs or entering a door. It’s like I have to be the first one to get in or out and ‘you have to wait buddy’ kind of situation. So if I see someone coming from the other side and feel that he may reach the escalator before me (and they think no one’s watching them???), I start to walk fast, pacing myself with a well calculated speed which would be enough to pass the other before they could even realize. I keep asking myself why I do this. Why am I always in hurry to criss cross someone in front or overtake and cut their way. Why? And the answer is, I don’t know. On a second thought I guess it just happens, same as the babies have to be born and they do, I have to cross someone who ever comes in my way. So coming back to the funcident what happened today.

As I entered the lift I saw a beautiful girl standing in the right corner. It was nice all well and I smoothly entered in the elevator. Now let me tell you, this elevator is a bit different, it has mirrors all around, you can see yourself and other clearly and off course noticeably from possibly every straight and elevated angel. And by noticeably I really mean, NOTICE-ABLY.
Ok, anyways, coming back to where I stood, I thought I would be nice today and let her get out of the lift before me and will offer the space wide and open. As the lift moved down to next floor, 2 more guys got in. As some more space got filled and some angels got cut, I felt cheated, and fiercely offended. There are 24 hours in a day, and they had to be standing right at that second to stop my dream lift ride. Don’t they know I am trying to be nice today? I nodded my head in my brain. But as life never stops, lifts also don’t stop, they keep moving and so it may be we also started again, and reached the lobby.
Oh! Wait forgot to tell you that it’s a 12- floor building, the first floor is the lobby where everyone catches the metro and the basement is the garage car parking.
So let’s go back again, I am at 6th floor and we are coming down as I told you before, in case you missed it, the lady was already inside must have boarded from 8th, where all the nice females work. I entered and pressed the lobby button, then turned around to send out a sweet smile which went unnoticed, but worth a try. The villain guys came in at 4th. Crossing 3rd and 2nd floor we reached lobby and by this time I had made up my mind, I am going to be the last one to set my foot out of this lift. The pretty lady and yours truly were standing at the back and the guys were standing right in front of the door, so obviously they would be the first one to step out. And so it happened. Lift stopped, the guys bustled and hurried themselves out of the lift and I am like, what shame no etiquettes to give way to the lady, and turn towards here showing her the way just like a perfect gentleman would have done (or a perfect waiter in a five star would have done to see-off his well tip guests, head bowed in appreciation). It took me less than a second to realize that she didn’t move and I immediately looked up, she said something. What did she say I fumbled. I looked at the floor switch board and saw light flashing next to garage switch, holy s****, she’s going down to the garage. Before she could even blink her eyes I jumped out not to look back and ran to catch the train, before anyone else does.